Self-love should never be a radical concept

Radical self-love has been a big buzz topic that women all over the internet have been discussing lately. It’s a fun positive concept, that I think more women need to give a try. At the same time, I think the fact that we’re even having to start self-love memes in the year 2010 is just a little mind-boggling.

I know too many women who are stuck in this masochistic cycle. These marathon races, trying to look/act/think/be/become these “proper women,” and end up hurting (and often hating) themselves along the way. I’ve been on the short end of this stick more than once, and the psychotic notion of “proper” womanhood, having people follow me around and tell me I should look/act/think/be/become/live up to these standards in order to “be happy.”

“Being happy” apparently means having a pressure cooker office job that I can’t stand, so I can make such-and-such figures a year. It means wearing uncomfortable shoes all day so I’ll be taller. Counting calories and obsessing over trans fats, while starving myself to a size o on a diet of water and beansprouts.  Spending hours out of the day comparing myself to air-brushed models, then airing my self-esteem issues in public so my friends will tell me “Oh, I know girl, I look a mess.” Hating or feeling threatened by women who supposedly look better than me, and hating myself for it. Chasing after men who don’t respect me in order to buy nice things with their money, and hundreds of other things that I can’t/won’t/refuse to do, so there.

I don’t think self-love should ever be a radical concept. It should be something that you just do, in your own way, because you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Your friend, your mom, your neighbor, your significant other. The saying is worn out from misuse, but people say it because it’s true. It isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard. It doesn’t have to be big and sweeping, with it’s own score and make-up team, it just has to be you. Whatever that means, it’s up to you.

Dress yourself for yourself. Listen to Leonard Cohen and dance in your living room. Hula hoop in go-go boots. Don’t let people tell you how to feel. Take criticism but stick to your guns. Forget fitting in. Don’t become trapped by body issues — if someone doesn’t like your body, it’s their issue. Learn to be happy alone, wherever you are. Don’t settle for people who don’t respect you. Know what makes you happy. Live as big or as small as you need to. Sing badly in your car. Sing badly wherever you damn well feel like it. Be sexy. Be unsexy. Feel good in your clothes. Do the best you can at that moment — even if you can do better in the future, just do the best you can for where you are now.

You may not be perfect, but there’s only one of you. Make you count. Life’s too short to waste trying to be somebody else. I don’t see what’s so radical about that.